Separation anxiety peaks between the ages of 10-18 months. Dylan will be 11 months this week (!) and he is most definitely f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g out in true manic fashion. Like a majestic humpback whale (which I feel like most days minus the 'majestic' part), I have my very own human barnacle. While I'm deeply flattered that another human being can love me so desperately, dealing with separation anxiety is a true test of one's patience and personal boundaries-- let's just say that babies should not enter the privacy of the bathroom with you, but sometimes a mom just doesn't have a choice.
All of the experts say that separation anxiety is normal and healthy because it shows that your baby has a strong and secure attachment to you. Repeating this to myself multiple times throughout the day helps me keep my frustrations in check, but dealing with a severe case of separation anxiety during the night is something I was completely unprepared for. I can testify that sleep training is completely powerless and ineffective when your child knows that you're somewhere on the other side of his door and he will do whatever it takes to make you come back-- going to sleep is the last thing on his mind. After losing 2 hours of precious sleep in the middle of the night attempting another round of sleep training the past 2 nights, and Dylan showing no signs of even starting to tire out from his wailing (except during the 1 minute check ins when he would immediately stop crying and lay down as long as mommy was there), I finally caved and brought him into bed with us. He slept great the rest of the night, once he felt all safe and secure with mommy by his side.
I'm sure all of the anti-co-sleepers out there would criticize me for giving in and creating bad sleeping habits for my baby, but if I've learned anything with certainty about parenting, it's that you have to do whatever works for your own family. Of course I struggled with my own demons-- what if this isn't just a phase and short-term solution and I end up with a 10 year old (barnacle) who won't sleep without mommy beside him? But when you're going on 11 months of interrupted sleep in 2-4 hours chunks, the priority is on getting better sleep for everyone, rather than worrying about a million 'what ifs'. Besides, I've found that co-sleeping has its own unique perks-- the world's most high tech baby monitor can't pick up all of the special little sounds and noises a sleeping baby makes. Laying there in the middle of the silent peaceful night listening to Dylan's breathing patterns, his little grunts, snores, and hilarious sleep farts has been a magical experience I know I won't ever have the chance to get back as he grows older.
One day (and night) at a time-- it's the only way my brain can process this organized chaos without completely fritzing and shutting down. Embrace your little barnacles because someday sooner than later, you'll wish they would stay a little closer.
XO,
Claire
