Sleep training is _______ (a really negative adjective).

Since this is my first post on my brand new shiny blog, I figured I'd just dive right into the good stuff. 

Mr. and Mrs. Manic Mom are the proud, blessed (exhausted) first-time parents of a rambunctious, infectiously adorable, he's-so-lucky-he's-so-darn-cute baby boy named Dylan (='son of the sea').  'Dylan the little villain' is 10 months old, and growing wilder everyday.  He's the type of baby who is eager to take it all in and be the master of his universe-- crawling at 6 months, taking his first steps at 9 months, and never looking back.  Dylan loves ceiling fans, anything with wheels, water in all forms, wagon rides, guitars, cheesy puffs, anything that hangs, vacuum cleaners, bushes, Baby Einstein DVD's, the laundry room, and his Macbook laptop.  Dylan dis-loves car rides, foods that aren't cheesy, clothes with sleeves, medication, getting dressed, bibs, diaper changes, sitting still, boogie wipes, change, and SLEEP.  As many other wise advice givers have told us, 'some babies just don't like to sleep.'  Which is a great segue into today's post all about sleep training.

For those (un)lucky moms and dads out there who have experienced the nightmare of sleep training, I commend you for your strength and willpower.  Sleep training, no matter what method you use, is the ultimate test of patience, and mental and emotional sanity.  At 5 months, we knew we had a major problem when we were getting up EVERY 45 minutes to tend to our waking child.  No one told us newbie mom & dad that putting your child to sleep with a pacifier was the wrong thing to do, until it was too late and he was already addicted to having it replaced in his mouth every time he woke up (after each 45 minute sleep cycle).  After stern instructions from our pediatrician, we implemented Sleep Training Camp #1, ala the 'updated' Ferber method that involves letting your baby cry it out with brief comfort check-ins at timed intervals.  I will never forget that first night because it was unequivocally THE worst night of my entire 31 years of life.  It goes against every human instinct in your soul to ignore the pleading wails of your child.  7 minutes feels like an endless eternity stuck in the 8th level of Dante's inferno, overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, frustration, anger, and sadness that make your heart physically ache in your chest.  

The redemption was that by the third night, all 3 of us were getting the best sleep we had in 5 months.  Although he wasn't sleeping through the whole night, he was only waking once or twice a night, and in comparison, that was a major victory.  We thought to ourselves "ok, this is manageable," and that became our new nightly reality. 

Fast forward 4 months-- Dylan's 9th month of life went something like this:  got sent home from daycare early one day with a fever, went to doctor, diagnosed with hand-foot-mouth disease AND an ear infection, put on amoxicillin, spent a week at home with mom & dad recovering, got worse, went back to doctor, diagnosed with a severe case of croup, taken off amoxicillin and put on steroids, spent another week at home with mom & dad recovering, survived croup and the nasty vomit-inducing steroids, moved into a new house (BIG change), went back to daycare, sent home early for a diaper explosion, stayed home for a few days recovering from a yucky stomach bug, slowly adjusted to new house, couldn't shake a pesky cough, went back to doctor, diagnosed with having cough variant asthma, sent home with a nebulizer and some more meds for a week-- which brings us to today.  People-- I couldn't make this up if I tried...this is the real-life adventures of parenthood.  It was a stressful month, to say the least.  

Amidst all of the drama, sleep was simply a luxury we gave up on.  Tending to a sick child is a 24 hour, day and night shift job, and after a string of back to back illnesses over the course of a month, it's no wonder that Dylan's new sleep routine became habitually waking up every few hours (still can't shake that pesky nighttime cough), crying, mom or dad comes in and soothes me back to sleep (rocking, walking, singing, whatever works).  When 10 minute soothing intervals stretched into an hour or more, and we were spending more time awake at night than asleep, we knew we had a bigger problem on our hands.  Commence Sleep Training Camp #2, which has thus far lasted 3 nights:

Night 1:  5, 7, 9 minute intervals.  Cried for 5 minutes, dad went in to check on him, cried for 7 more minutes, fell asleep and slept until 6 in the morning (!).  Mom & dad elated that Dylan is such a fast learner, even though mom still woke up every other hour out of habit (apparently I need my own adult version of sleep training).  While very happy for little Dylan, we recognize that 'one night does not a trend make.'

Night 2:  7, 9, 12 minute intervals.  Cried for 5 minutes and fell asleep on his own.  Yea!  Woke up at midnight, but put himself back to sleep after a few minutes of fussing.  Double yea!  Woke again at 3 AM, mom went in to check on him, fed him a bottle (since he only had a few ounces before bed), put him back down, cried for 7 minutes, mom went back in to check on him (per Ferber's rule, the same parent must continue the checks until baby falls asleep), cried for 9 minutes, mom went in again to soothe (no picking up crying baby), cried for 12 minutes, mom went in again to soothe, cried for another 12 minutes, mom wondered if diaper needed to be changed or what else could be wrong, Dylan finally falls sleep exhausted from crying, cough keeps him up for another hour but he doesn't cry, and he wakes at 6:45 AM for the day.

Night 3:  9, 12, 15 minute intervals.  Cried for 4 minutes and fell asleep on his own.  Sweet!  Mom and dad hopeful it will be a good night.  Woke up at 11 PM, dad goes to check on him, cries for 10 minutes and falls asleep.  Keeps coughing on and off for 30 minutes, but doesn't cry (breaks my heart listening to this-- I curse daycare germs for the 1000th time while tossing and turning in bed).  Woke again at 5:30 AM, mom fed him a bottle, put him back down, cried for 9 minutes, mom checked on him, cried for 12 minutes, mom checked on him again, cried for 15 minutes, mom checked on him again-- by that time it was 6:15 AM, so we just gave up and started the day (exhausted and frustrated).

Do you know what 10 straight months of interrupted sleep does to a person?  I do.  I can count on one hand the number of nights since birth that Dylan has slept the full night-- not the 'sleep through the night' technical description for sleeping from 12 AM- 5 AM without waking-- I mean the whole, full, blessed night of at least 6-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  It makes a person completely wonky (for lack of a more technical term).    

The 'experts' who say that sleep training is easier and faster the second time around are wrong.  I wonder how many babies they've sleep trained themselves, how many nights it lasted and how many times they had to go through it.     

And so, we persevere, and try to stay awake at work all day, physically present, but mentally asleep.  I don't know how many more nights of sleep training we'll be able to endure, but I'm trying to focus on the silver lining because I've always been a positive person, knowing there is always much to be grateful for, no matter what the circumstances and challenges.  Dylan is happy-- no matter how crappy the night is, he always wakes up for the day babbling and smiling and I can easily forget how tired I am in those moments.  Dylan is healthy-- aside from the permanent 'daycare cold', he is a thriving, growing baby who develops new skills everyday.  And as a parent, having a happy, healthy child is all that really matters-- a year of giving up sleep seems like a trivial cost.

I think of little Avery Canahuati and Ronan Thompson and their stories (please look them up), and I tell myself that I would endure sleep training for the rest of my life, as long as I have Dylan.    

This is how my mom-brain operates everyday-- I'm driven to the brink of utter exhaustion and frustration, and then the little mini moments of peace & joy remind me to keep it all in perspective, and I feel strong enough to make it through another day.  That's the daily cycle of motherhood, at least for this manic mom. :)

For those of you who are blessed with a good night's sleep, think of us tonight (Night #4 and counting!) and appreciate that which you so easily take for granted in everyday 'normal' life.

XO,  

Claire